My Life .....(Lost in Crowd...)

i need to get free.... get some breathing time without people around me, time to reflect or maybe time to do nothing, not thinking, ....yeah, thats it, i need a few seconds to forget about the stresses of this world...............

i wanna get lost in a big city, not my city,...but a city where i know no one and no one know me..--no one know the girl who feels powerless cuz her life is always out of control,... no one know me........


to be alone in this crowded life would be nyce

My Life .....(with College ..)

Let me switch it up and give u a feel of my life outside of chi hoods

at school, i love talking to diff types of people, i learn from them and hopefully they learn something from me too. i learn more about my self... discovered what type a person i really am, beside my fam identity... i am truer and i am more connected with people...i listen sometimes... i look for diff perspectives...i think i want to travel..some of my friends have... i really want to go to England...if anyone got a good idea of how i can get there...shout out to me about it...

college years, fun year, growing up years

mistakes and lessons.......i think college years are defining the person i am now more than pre-college years which is amazing especially when u compare the years to each other. i mean u would think ur fam would influence u more than friends...syke!...my friendz rule me...sorry mom....

I LOVE TO WRITE and please dont proofread my blog now to prove that i am not a good writer..but u can critique and make comments ( i really hope critique is spelled right)

Holla at me , shout out to my friends and readers...whether that be one or 20

luv ya

My Life ....(trying not to freeze)

i am just a black girl, born on the west side...i bet u didnt know, raised on the south tho...let me give u a sec to understand ........i know the cops and street thugs, they both call me a bud and show luv...i walk through rooms with coke, rolled up joint, with ppl offerring me a smoke.( i say, no, --no joke)..come to church to find a hug, cuz i am sick of being so cold.....

i got the door to a better opportunity open for me...away from a life that is broke.....hear this out, 3 blocks from me a man killed his whole fam, a dealer is next to me, ---and what would u think my reality is......i just watch and not talk, u wouldnt believe it......me, not talking, the game for me is to blend in......know the right people....be in the right place....

errybody know not to be on vincenne past dark and dont go to school, yeah dont go to SCHOOL at nite, we got gang meetings and shooting, dealing, .....get out of here, no safe place.....no silent nites.......i cant help the next person out, cuz they got to first want to help themselves......cant be weak...dont hurt me, i wont hurt u....but always be on guard.....life is a battlefield...and i am just another souljah(soilder)

i am the person that speak with everyone, i am the person that get close to no one.....

My Life .....(7/12/07....another day...)

my research is going slow...my life is going fast...and i can't think

i started reading this book...it's about an rich boy growing up in Afghanistan...it's called " the Kite runner" ...it is a nice read....

seminar..meetings...powerpoint presentation practice...t.v.

yep, Bush is all over the tv. Congress voted for withdrawal of troop (the 3rd time)...Bush threaten to veto it...he says Al-Qaeda is a big threat...

some one once said we create our enemies...i think it is true, but at this point, it is a little too late just to say 'sorry, my bad'...

my mom called, my aunt called, my sister called...if u know me, u know how i feel about this...

--to go to chicago or not, that is the question..i think to go will be invain just cuz, another problem will come up--

on the phone, my mom told me that if she died today, that she could find me in heaven because of my personality, she said personality doesn't change...she said that i couldnt change hers and she couldnt change mines...

On the other hand, a good friend of mines, said that i have changed a lot within the last 3 years...i think it is called, maturing..yep, i matured...

personality can change, my mother is just too stubborn to change her ways and too self aborbed to notice my change..and way too assured that her place will be in heaven...

don't be too confident, it is better to be humble... strive to be better

love and respect...........

Hood Ryhmes for Ruff Times

My sis lives alone,
smoke weed and sip patron,
with thugs
and street luvs

not a family member she claim,
cuz the ones with her name
gave her away
and she feel shamed
as if she were to blame

so where ever she lay
She is grateful for that stay

one mistake...
she gambles many stakes,
and it got her slameless for money' sake,
shake up for the street's fakes,
but they always come and leave
leaving her fragile until she break
always worst than before
more poor and more sore

She dont even look like herself anymore
runs on the street
like track meet
where the drug money is sweet
and the violent gun clap speaks

I look at my sister and wonder will I see her again
vow to just call to make sure we speak again
she is skinny and wear spandex
unhealthy, below the body mass index

She rather play the fool
then return to skool
she want to be a model
she has no role model

She can't help me no more in life
No advice on life's sacrifice
because she went too quick for gold
never listened to find out what that path would unfold
never thought about what would happen when that gold was stole

"U are not young forever" I told
'The prices of what you do will be collected in whole
then u are left with nothing
feeling like nothing
hoping, wishing you had sumthang'

but street life is nothing but pipe dream
the life is raw and mean
and its promises dont mean a thing

And for her..
fewer friends makes the doorbell ring
because another funeral has come, again
and as the choir sings a song
for her, things feel wronged
and like the tombstone
she feel dirty
she reflects on her hurt

she tell herself to stay strong
and the she goes home
stare at herself inside the mirror
seemingly trying to figure
-----"why did it take so long to know when 'it's gone , it's gone"